Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The Video Game Theory


The Video Game Theory.

It is not (as perhaps you find the title indicative of) something that explains video games through means of comparisons, supposition, or a string of ideas. Rather, it is a way in which I explain my take on relationships by making a metaphor out of computer/video games.

Although, technically, metaphors are not literally applicable, and I can think of lots of ways in which computer/video games can be literally applicable to relationships. 

HOWEVER. ...ain't nobody got time to read about that.



This metaphorical illustration breaks down a relationship into three, easy-to-understand phases - the trial version, owning the game, and the expansion pack (and subsequent patches) - that I find to very accurately represent how I, at least, would like a relationship to progress. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

The Video Game Theory

Video games are wonderful, magical things. There are many genres, sub-genres, and styles of gameplay. And the fantastic thing about a lot of them is that you get a trial version - something you can download and play totally for free that allows you to determine whether or not that game is the game for you. Sometimes you have it for a few days, sometimes a few weeks - it all depends. This is the "talking" phase of a relationship - getting a feel for each other, seeing how you work together, and if you're compatible. It's fun, you can enjoy it, but most of the levels are locked and there are abilities you cannot access. 

Now, the thing about trial versions is - they end. And it either ends with you deciding that the game isn't for you, or you buying the game. When you buy the game, you get to play through all the levels, and you get more skills and the option to explore and experience new and more complex things the further you go on. This is the "dating" phase of a relationship - you've made a commitment now! Woot! Good for you. And for them. (Assuming you're not an evil schmuck of some kind, which, I'll be nice and assume you aren't.)

Once you have the game, you can play for however long you see fit - a few months, a few years, but eventually there's only so far you can go. You've done all the quests, you've hit the level cap, run out of zones, and gotten all the achievements you can get. Upgrade within your current version of the game is no longer possible (they already made the expansion pack, dude, they're not letting you patch in anything else - you know how this works) and it's it's time to make a decision: move on to the next game, or get serious and buy the expansion pack. Yes, my friends, I just called "marriage" an "expansion pack." (Awesome, I know. You're welcome.) This is the expansion pack to beat all expansion packs. You get a permanent party member to help you with life - no matter the zone, no matter the quest, and no matter how dark or difficult the dungeon. This x-pack unlocks the best moves, the best levels, and you can download as many awesome patches for it as you want! - patches like new, kick-butt little family members, a.k.a., "kids" or, as I prefer to think of them, "minions" (WARNING: this patch takes approximately 9 months to download.) 

...and there you have it. The Video Game Theory. I feel like that neatly outlines exactly how I feel about relationships, and while it's delightfully (overwhelmingly?) nerdy, you gotta admit it's beautifully straightforward and actually makes some darn good sense.

Video games. Making life better since the Cathode Ray Tube Amusement Device of 1947. Which really barely counts (that nonsense wasn't even digital), so (basically) - since the 1970s! Woot.


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